People are often surprised that I shoot squirmy babies and unpredictable toddlers on film. Film is expensive and often involves using older cameras and manual focus. Film can also feel unpredictable. You can peek at the back of your camera to check and see if your photo has turned out. Despite these limitations, I am a family film photographer. Film has an inherently nostalgic quality that captures the unscripted beauty and disorderly imperfection of being human. This makes film the perfect medium for capturing your life, just as it is, right now.
For me, motherhood intensifies feelings of nostalgia. About this time last year, I was 6 months pregnant and frantically chasing an unruly toddler around the mall. After a bit of a battle, I got him to sit down on a bench and eat a snack. As I sat next to him, enjoying a brief moment of peace, an older woman approached me and said hello. She beamed at Luca and said, “well aren’t you the cutest little fella?” With a mouth full of chocolate chip cookies, a dirty face and a squinty smile he responded “Yes, I am!”
The older woman and I both laughed at how grown up he sounded for such a little boy. I jokingly remarked that she must have missed his meltdown just minutes ago. She laughed and said she would give anything to go back to the toddler days. We chatted for a few more minutes. She told me about her five great grandchildren and the joy she gets from watching them grow up. Sitting next to this lovely stranger in the mall made me see that the time when our children is small goes by so quickly. In the moment it is hard to see, but one day, I would long for life with a small and sometimes defiant toddler.
As my last baby hits her milestones, life feels bittersweet. I am happy to once again sleep through the night and I look forward to the family adventures we will have as she and her brother grow up. Nine months in, I’m overjoyed that my little girl is sleep trained. At the same time, I am sad that she no longer curls her little body into mine as I rock and snuggle her to sleep. On the same note, I am proud of my son, the way he is able to express himself at three years old, but I am sad that he no longer speaks a language that only I understand. I miss the days when he called a “motorcycle” a “momocycle” or his “water bottle” his “baba boto”.
Film is a wonderfully unique medium that transforms imperfections into something beautiful. There is so much beauty in its rich colour, creamy bright skin tones, slightly soft focus and rich grain. I can’t think of a more fitting way to create art that captures the grit, determination, grace and beauty of motherhood.
If you love film as much as I do and would like more information on my newborn sessions, check out my Newborn Session Information Page.